is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is Oprah even human
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
