No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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