I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
