i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
