areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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