I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
