im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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