So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
