He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
id be glad to
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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