JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
