In the future we'll all be gay
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
