I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
