When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
