OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
