She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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