Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
