I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
