Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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