i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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