i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
