I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
