my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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