Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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