new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
