I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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