I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
