I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
