can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The air taste purple.
Randomize