If i come over, it means nothing
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
