i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
