I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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