I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Say something about gay babies.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
