I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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