you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
