so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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