Your face is a jimmy john
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
