it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize