What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
