I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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