call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
