So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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