UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize