all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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