You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
