I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
