Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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