dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
