Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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