I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
