i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
