it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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