he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think I sprained my soul last night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
