Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
