i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
