Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize