non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
