I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
