How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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