alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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