I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize