I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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