when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
