epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
