I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think your dad took our porno
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
