we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
