Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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