Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
