You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
