i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
