I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
