my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
