You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
