She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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