I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Are we still banned from the library?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize