Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Randomize
