Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
