I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
